10 Proverbs for You to Ponder

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  1. If religion produces blind sheep, then atheism produces deaf dogs. Between the two, there’s some pretty good comic potential.
  2. If to live for tomorrow is to miss today, then to live for today is to miss tomorrow. Best to avoid linear time altogether.
  3. Go with the flow. True, you’ll eventually hit rapids and be sucked into a watery grave. But at least you’ll be well-liked.
  4. From Vladamir Lenin, we learn,  “The way to crush the bourgeoisie is to grind them between the millstones of taxation and inflation.” From elementary school, we learn that there are ants in your pants, causing you to do the boogie dance all the way to France. What God hath hidden from the wise and prudent, he hath revealed unto babes.
  5. There are spiders all around you. In your vents. In your couches. Under your covers. Yet when was the last time you told them … any one of them … that you loved them?
  6. Zero population is the answer, my friend. Unfortunately, no one seems to have yet formulated the question.
  7. Of all the constants in the universe, the one that has the most bearing in our lives is the speed of Grandma.
  8. Who needs reality when there’s consensus reality? I mean, if it wasn’t posted on Facebook, did it really happen?
  9. It is better to be feared than to be loved. It is best to be so feared that you confuse people into thinking they’re loving you. That way you’ll get unquestioned obedience plus chocolates.
  10. From the legacy of George Washington Carver, we learn that that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass. From the legacy of Andre the Giant, however, we learn that bigger is better.

Well, that was an interesting exercise. Good night.

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