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Aspen is impossible – my new quest

On a scale of possibility, our little Aspen is off the charts. She is impossible. If one dares to be so audacious as to set her down for a nap, she will use her dark powers to summon a storm of fiery indignation, wailing like a banshee, punishing you with a vengeance. The ONLY way to put her to sleep is to collapse with her on a bed from mutual exhaustion while sedating her with excessive amounts of mommy milk. If you’re a dad, you don’t have a prayer.

Today it occurred to me what my ultimate quest in life is: to serve my lady. My reasoning is thus: in order to provide for my lady, I have to get a job and be devoted to it. In order to make my lady comfortable, not just any job will do. I must educate myself, sharpen my skills, and advance in a career. My lady wouldn’t want to be married to a lazy shmo, so I must engage myself in ambitious and prolific pursuits, that she might be honored to be married to such a man. My lady wouldn’t want to be married to a hedonistic brute, so I must spiritually master myself. In order to woo my lady, I must master my physical appearance. In order to protect my lady, I must strengthen my muscles and train myself in combat. The more I think about it, the more I realize that for a modern husband, chivalry should be anything but dead. I pledge to thee, my fairy lady, my devotion to this most holy quest until the day I die.

I shall devote every day, every hour to the service of my lady. i shall never say a cross word to her nor anything but praise of her goddess-like qualities. I shall slay any man that insults her honor.

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