This isn’t supposed to happen. Some parents say, “I hope my child turns out better than I was.” Such “selfless” parents have obviously given up on their own ambition and hope the the merits of their progeny will somehow redeem the honor they’d never deserved. Bah. I demand to put my children to shame. At everything. They must live in perpetual awareness that no matter how hard they try in the pursuit of excellence, their father — the dad of all dads — will forever surpass them.
So when my five-year-old Ariah took both second place and the audience choice award for the youth tellers at the Utah’s Biggest Liar contest tonight, and I didn’t win anything among the adult tellers, I felt a sense of budding dread, as if two doors had been opened: one to my daughter’s rising triumph, the other to my perpetual demise as a has-been … or even worse … a never was.
I refuse to be humbled. I refuse to learn a valuable lesson about parental fulfilment. Ariah … this means war! Your five-year-old cuteness won’t last forever.