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Dangit, I’m being surpassed by my kid!

Ariah and Stephen Gashler at the Utah's Biggest Liar Contest, 2014This isn’t supposed to happen. Some parents say, “I hope my child turns out better than I was.” Such “selfless” parents have obviously given up on their own ambition and hope the the merits of their progeny will somehow redeem the honor they’d never deserved. Bah. I demand to put my children to shame. At everything. They must live in perpetual awareness that no matter how hard they try in the pursuit of excellence, their father — the dad of all dads — will forever surpass them.

So when my five-year-old Ariah took both second place and the audience choice award for the youth tellers at the Utah’s Biggest Liar contest tonight, and I didn’t win anything among the adult tellers, I felt a sense of budding dread, as if two doors had been opened: one to my daughter’s rising triumph, the other to my perpetual demise as a has-been … or even worse … a never was.

I refuse to be humbled. I refuse to learn a valuable lesson about parental fulfilment. Ariah … this means war! Your five-year-old cuteness won’t last forever.

4 thoughts on “Dangit, I’m being surpassed by my kid!

  1. Sorry, Steve, that you did not get the high adulation that you deserved tonight. However, I think everyone there was duly awed by the poise, grace and talent of Ariah. She did not look like a “cute little kid” trying to pretend to be an adult. She looked like an accomplished actress trapped in a 5 year old body. I was amazed at her performance. I loved your story but the night did belong to Ariah.

  2. Did anyone film it?

    1. There was an official recording, yes. I believe my mother-inlaw might have also recorded it.

  3. Little did you know that I am responsible for this. As the parent who has given up on my own ambition, I am training Ariah to defeat you, just like in Greek mythology. You don’t stand a chance.

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