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I Duel My Wife

Tonight Teresa and I had our first real duel. Our weapons were wooden rapiers. Teresa wasn’t fond of the idea to begin with, as it was past 10:00pm, and she was ready for bed, but fearing that she would fail a test if she said no, she humored me. At first she was stiff and entirely defensive. I confess that I was going easy on her. But as I let her take some jabs at me, and her confidence grew, the wheel suddenly turned around, and I was on the defensive. I’d never seen her so aggressive. The fight grew much more intense than I would have possibly expected, and there were times when I was genuinely afraid of her whipping blade.

By the rules of our duel, she was the first to score ten hits. While we caught our breaths, she said with a smile, “I think I’m finally open to the idea of coming home at the end of the day and having you leap out from concealment, tossing me a sword, and shouting, ‘Have at thee, coward!’ ” This was music to my ears. There’s nothing I’ve ever wanted more than a wife who will battle me. My boyish dreams are finally being fulfilled!

After all, the truest of love (as we learn from the movies) is only to be found following the truest of violence. Couples that stay together, slay together.

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