I used to think I was a food bigot. My opinions on vinegar products and ethnic cuisine were correct, and those who disagreed were wrong. Then I realized that I’m actually a food liberal activist. It’s not that my arbitrary preferences trump those of others, it’s that I’m so in love with all of God’s edible creations and the diverse staples of life of the human family, that I can’t bear to hear others esteem these things as naught. To hear someone say, “I don’t like Mexican food” is like saying, “I don’t like Mexicans.” Because Mexicans and their food are so deeply connected. And then I want to stand up for the oppressed tamales and chimichangas and plead for tolerance and open … mouths. Who could stand before the judgment seat of Christ and say, “I don’t like your tomatoes. Or your mushrooms. Or you olives. You really messed up on those.” Did you know that God cries every time someone picks olives off of their pizza? It’s a fact.
I checked out a documentary on Feng Sui, because our house is a mess, and I thought we could learn something about cleanliness from Chinese mystics. This is the bagua, a tool in Feng Shui that’s superimposed over a floor layout to determine how one’s home measures up to an ideal qi flow:
Depending on whether your front door is on the left, center, or right side of your house, it will always fall under the “knowledge”, “career”, or “helpful people” section. Our upstairs bathroom falls in the wealth section. According to the documentary, this means that we’re symbolically flushing our wealth down the toilet. Which would explain a lot of things. Another disappointing realization is that our our dilapidated deck of terror falls in the marriage section, which means that our marriage is dilapidated and terrible. I had no idea!
Tonight Teresa and I gathered with NFP friends and made space ships out of common items such as cardboard, plastic cups, tape, and silver spray paint. We then filled the space ships with various assortments of fireworks and observed how to make cool explosions for future space movies. In my opinion, the “flower” fire crackers yielded the most cinematic damage, especially when supplemented with sprinkles of corn starch. I was skeptical at first, but I learned for myself the value of practical explosives. There’s so much random carnage in nature that CGI just hasn’t mastered yet. True you can get some spectacular glitz with CGI, but sometimes the magic is in the less than spectacular crumples and flaking, and irregular distortions.
I’ve been applying for lots of jobs. How boring and serious.
It’s that time of year again, when I can’t go down the stairs without groaning on behalf of my torn thighs, the result of a 10k race for which I had not adequately trained.