Tonight my wife said to me, “Here’s your pillow, Mister Millow.” I am now going to analyze the meaning behind this declaration. By pillow, I believe she’s referring to the excess in my paunch. The fact that she handed me a physical pillow was only an outward gesture of her inward contempt. The message she was trying to communicate revolves heavily around the title of Mister Millow. As is well known, Theodore Millow was a seventeenth century Scottish aristocrat known for his paunchiness. I have thus taken great offense at this mis-colored representation of my abdomen, which, while bearing the semblance of a pot belly, is, in reality, full of magic, just like Missus Pigglewiggle’s hump.