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The Outrageous Woman

Inside of the eye of Saran is a cataract named Dwayne. Dwayne has seven abilities. One, he can multiply into four Dwaynes. Two …

I decided to stop writing that thought. Instead, here’s a story I wrote in the car yesterday:

The Outrageous Woman

Once upon a time, there was a woman who was outraged. All around her people wearing inappropriate clothes, listening to obscene music, watching naughty movies, and saying foul things. Most importantly, the people didn’t seem happy. The woman was so outraged, she stomped all the way to the authorities, where she was met by a secretary. The secretary directed the outrageous woman into the ring of eternal red tape. But after only a few rounds, the woman was so outraged, she scaled the walls, clawing through the tape with her claws, until she reached the top where the authorities had their office. There she banged on the door, and the frightened authorities had no choice but to let her in.

In an outraged voice, the woman told the authorities how things were. The authorities tried to explain, but the woman only shoved her fingers in her ears, because when you’re outraged, you don’t have to listen to other people. “What are we going to do?” one authority said to the other. “How about we give her her own planet?” said another authority. “Maybe then she’ll leave us a lone.” So the authorities said to the woman, “If we give you your own planet, will you leave us alone?” The woman said yes.

She then went to her husband and told him the way things were. She went to her bridge group and told them the way things were. She went to all the neighborhood and everyone she knew, telling them they way things were, and the people, fearing for their lives, followed her onto the spaceship. As they journeyed to the new planet, the outrageous woman opened the good book, and rehearsed to everyone the way things were. When they landed on the planet, she ruled with an iron fist, and there was no more inappropriate clothes, obscene music, naughty movies, or foul language.

The people were almost happy. They got to talking agreed there was only one thing keeping them from being fully happy: the outrageous woman. So they ganged up on her, and put her in jail, where she spent the remainder of her days being outraged. Then the people were happy.

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